Photo: On Her Majesty's Secret Service 1969 Danjaq, LLC, & United Artists Corporation. All rights reserved
On Her Magesty's Secret Service Gadgets
Deadly Vanity Case
How nice to get a lovely Christmas present from your host.
And to think they say Ernst Stavro Blofeld is a bad man.
Vanity cases, fully equipped with [presumably] massive range radio walkie talkie radio receivers. With which Blofeld would use his hypnotic powers to tell the lovelies to do bad things.
To be fair to Blofeld, as a man, how was he to know what the most useful items for a holiday vanity case should be. The struggle to decide which perfume to take, the full size or travel size moisturiser? How can you fit the hairbrushes in? Hotel hair-dryers are hopeless...
The problems facing any woman when deciding what to take on holiday is not an issue many men could cope with.
The Holiday Vanity Case
Extensive research has revealed the following necessities and requirements for the Holiday Vanity Case.
1) Soft Vanity Case. The hard cases are all very well and good, but when you're packing everything into 23kg or in Ryaniar's case, you back pocket, a soft vanity case is probably the best bet. In fact, two would be a good idea - flat ones that can be separated within the suitcase.
2) You may need a Razor and Shaving Gel before your shower, or maybe a LadyShave (travel sized), depending on preferences. After your ablutions you may require Body Lotion and Deodorant.
3) Shower and Bath liquids, such as Shower Gel, Shampoo, Conditioner, and don't forget the Shower Cap. All of these lotions and potions should come in handy travel sized versions.
4) Face Cleansers and / or wipes, Moisturisers and Toners. These also mostly come in travel sized bottles.
5) Assorted hair related products will almost certainly be required, such as hairspray, serums, mousse, heat defence spray etc.
6) Although the hair products invariably come in small sizes, even travel sized hairbrushes cannot be restricted. You may even need several varieties, including a vent brush, round brushes and styling brushes. Hair is a big job and big jobs require equipment, so in addition to Brushes, you may require a Hairdryer because hotel versions are almost always useless, Tongs, Straightening Irons, Hair Clips, Scrunchies and anything else that can be of high quality and expense, but small in stature and packing size.
7) There are a range of associated requirements, not least a Toothbrush and Toothpaste. You are likely to need Cotton Buds, Cotton Wool, Tissues, Plasters and Scissors, Tweezers and / or a Manicure Set. It might also be wroth snagging one of those Travel Needlework Kits from a hotel, just in case. Safety pins always come in handy.
8) To a male, the following screams 'Clown' but to many women, these are the bare essentials. But, before going anywhere, a travel mirror is a necessity...
9) Face Creams as required, Foundation, Concealer, Bronzing Powder and Blushers
10) The eyes alone need a lot of attention. This will no doubt include, Eye Shadow, Eye Liner an Eyebrow Pencil and a sharpener, to avoid the tragedy of having a half made up face.
11) And all that's just for starters - the artwork also includes, Mascara, Lip Liner, Lipsticks (several colours), Lip Salve, Make Up Brushes, Nail Varnish, Nail Varnish Remover Pads.
12) A self respecting gentleman is unlikely to have heard of the next word - Coffret. A Coffret of perfume is a pack of small travel sized perfumes that provide variety and choice.
13) If in warmer climes it is important to include Sun Screen, Aftersun and Bug Spray.
14) And if packing all of that has given you a headache, it would be a timely remonder to include the Headaches Tablets, Imodium and any other pills and tablets you may need.